I sometimes feel like I’m taking far too long to get to know Owen. He’s 12 weeks old today, 8 days from being a great big 3 month old. For the last week Owen and I have been communicating fabulously. I’ve known when he’s sleepy before he cries at me, I’ve learned when he’s hungry before he cries at me, and I allow for him to fuss and whine because God know’s how much I whine. I should allow Owen to do the same without blowing things out of proportion by thinking he’s irreparably broken.

Just about 5 minutes ago his eye lids started to get just a bit pink and he was wiping at them with his fists. This is how he tells me that he’s sleepy. I wrapped him in a blanket, hugged him close as I brought him to his crib and lay him down. He looked up at me and started to fuss at me, but I turned on his mobile. He’s fascinated with his mobile. His eyes shut so quickly and quietly and I came down here to write about how proud of myself I am to have learned the tiny seemingly insignificant signals he gives me. It may have taken me almost 3 months to learn these little things, but I’m just brand new to this and I have LOTS of things to distract me from the task of learning all about Owen.

He’s learning all sorts of new tricks like cooing, smiling, scooting, coercing his mother with his smile to do whatever he wants her to, and he even tries to hold the bottle when I give it to him. His motor skills are still pretty awful, so by doing this he generally pushes the bottle out of his mouth unwillingly. One of these days he’ll get it.

I keep thinking about what he’s going to be like in 5 years. Will he like space ships, dinosaurs, cars, sports? What will his strengths be? Will he have a compassionate heart? Will he be a willing helper? Will he be cautious? Or will he be a risk taker?

In 18 years I wonder if he’ll talk to me about the girls he likes. I wonder if I’ll like them. I wonder if he’ll be a good man. I wonder if he’ll want to be a soldier like his father. I wonder if he’ll be a good judge of character. I wonder what he’s got in store for him.

I wonder how close we’ll be when he’s an adult. I have an ex who was FAR too close to his mother. He was 19 and his mother handled his bills, banking accounts, called him everyday and he’d call her everyday. They were besties. That’s not what I want for my Owen. I want us to be close, but I want to see him succeed on his own. Everything I do for him right now is to prepare him to be on his own one day. It’s a sad thought, but that’s what mothers do! We love our babies so that they can properly love others. Perhaps I’ll still be blogging in 18 years and I will reference this post and I will be able to say “Owen is a great man, and he’s got his head on straight, and I have done my job well.” I hope so.